guanin

Welp, I've been in the Sherlock fandom for almost five months now, and I still feel like I'm getting acclimated. I've never joined a fandom this late in the game before and I keep stumbling into old feuds. People keep talking about the TJLC thing coming back. I barely know what that is, but it sounds terrible. I've left fandoms for stuff like that.

I still don't know where I stand with Johnlock. Am I part of that subset of fandom or not? Every time I look up aroace Sherlock in the tags, I run into so many anti-Johnlock and anti-aroace posts. It took me a while to psych myself up to join this fandom in the first place because I'm so tired of aphobic shit in fandom, but I kept telling myself that Sherlock is a classic aroace-coded character. There are so many people who see him as aroace. I will have no problem finding a group of people to gush over aroace Sherlock with. Five months later, and I still don't have that group. I've found a lot of support, but I need people to share the squee with. Most of the people I've found who see Sherlock as aroace don't want to go near the fandom because of backlash. And yes, a lot of them hate Johnlock. I keep feeling more tired.

I write John as being romantically in love with Sherlock, so that's Johnlock. But Sherlock as aroace, so it's part not? Even though he's aesthetically and sensually attracted to John? I don't know. Shipping is so concerned with mashing up all the attractions together all the time, and that's not how I operate. I barely understand sexual attraction as a concept and I don't feel it. It's so much more common for me to experience aesthetic and sensual attraction without romantic attraction than with it. I'm not aro, but I haven't been romantically attracted to a lot of people. So where does that stand as far as shipping goes? Am I shipping Johnlock or am I not?

I am now 8,000 words into a selkie AU (John is the selkie). So my plans for writing ficlets for a bingo card are on hold for now. I have wanted to write a mythological creature AU for over a decade, and now it's finally happening! Credit goes to write_out for writing the post that jumpstarted the idea.

So, now I'm writing this AU, and then afterwards I'm writing case fic.

Awakenings (41048 words) by Guanin
Chapters: 12/12
Fandom: Sherlock (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Greg Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson (Sherlock Holmes), Mycroft Holmes, Harry Watson
Additional Tags: Asexual Character, Asexual Sherlock Holmes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bisexuality, Aromantic Sherlock Holmes, Post-Season/Series 01
Summary:

John’s breath shook the collar of Sherlock’s shirt, breath which was pleasantly warm and bathed the skin of Sherlock’s neck and collarbone in a tantalizing way that Sherlock wasn’t sure if he wished to analyze at the moment, yet was doing anyway, because how couldn’t he? It incited a slight tremble in his skin at first, the slightest pricking sensation as his breath shuddered to a stop in his throat at the sudden and unexpected intimacy of it. John’s breath, John’s, brushing against him and Sherlock letting it remain so close as if it belonged there, no more alien to his own body than the clothes he wore. Because it was John’s.

One of my absolute favorite scenes is in THOB when Sherlock shows up drenched in blood carrying a harpoon. All I can think about every time I see it is him in the tube with everyone staring at him with WTF expressions, but not actually saying anything because you don't do that. It makes me laugh every time.

Awakenings (28164 words) by Guanin
Chapters: 9/?
Fandom: Sherlock (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Greg Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson (Sherlock Holmes), Mycroft Holmes
Additional Tags: Asexual Character, Asexual Sherlock Holmes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bisexuality, Aromantic Sherlock Holmes, Post-Season/Series 01
Summary:

Sherlock and John have never needed to question the nature of their friendship, not until John falls asleep on Sherlock's shoulder one night. Sherlock doesn't brush him off. He doesn't want to brush him off. Much the opposite. He would be perfectly content if John were to remain there forever. This realization alters everything.

I wonder if it will ever stop striking me how different my perspective is from most people's. I've just been reading through an ASIP reaction post and seeing how many people were shipping Johnlock immediately made me remember how surprised I was to see an intense platonic connection between them. I specifically did not ship them. It was so obvious to me that Sherlock isn't into that sort of thing. I went into AO3 looking for friendship fics and was disappointed not to find many. I started reading shippy fics out of desperation. Then I started thinking that I might have been wrong because no one seemed to agree with me.

Maybe it's a good thing I didn't join the fandom back then. I was already getting enough "everyone wants romance/sex" messages from the fandoms I was in. Seriously, where were the ace fics hiding that I didn't see them? Then again, maybe if I had joined the fandom, I would have found them. I don't know. I'm still shocked by how old online asexual communities are, because I'd never heard of them until a couple of years ago. It all feels so recent and new.

Anyway, currently, I feel in this weird place in the Johnlock fandom. I don't know if I'm even allowed to use that term in the platonic sense considering what a staple it is in shipping fandoms to complain "how can anyone see these two as platonic?". Right now, I do see bi John as being in love with Sherlock. Sherlock, though... Yeah, my boy is aroace. Sex-repulsed, too. Which I finally had the courage to say in the Johnlock discord I'm in, and no one kicked me out, so yay. I don't know. I'm brand new to this fandom, so I still have little clue about what the dynamics are and the history. It has been a very welcoming place so far, and no one has complained about my aroace headcanon, which is refreshing. Fandom in general is not a safe space for aces (especially sex-repulsed ones), so it's nice to find a corner that is.

John had gone on two dates since they became partners. The first case occurred nineteen days in, and the second ten days after that. Only in the first instance did Sherlock have to suffer a night alone, the second date proving so thoroughly incompatible that John returned early, thank God. In both cases, Sherlock grabbed his secret cigarette stash and ducked his head out of his bedroom window into cool, night breeze so that his room wouldn’t become impregnated with the scent of smoke, yet the cigarette remained dangling between his lips, unlit. He’d scrapped at the lighter with a jerky thumb, triggering a flame only to put it out in the next instant, and on and on he went, imagining John’s disappointed expression and head shake if he were to catch Sherlock in this position, as well as the questions.

Why now, Sherlock? Is it because you’re alone? Because I’m on a date? You said you were fine with me dating. Are you not anymore? Was it a lie from the beginning, a concession to get me to agree to this partnership?

The first time, Sherlock had yanked the cigarette out of his mouth and thrown it on the floor, slapping on two nicotine patches, instead, before grabbing his violin and fleeing into a vehement rendition of Mozart’s Requiem. He refused to consider the implications of his subconscious choice of music.

Awakenings (23752 words) by Guanin
Chapters: 6/?
Fandom: Sherlock (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Greg Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson (Sherlock Holmes), Mycroft Holmes
Additional Tags: Asexual Character, Asexual Sherlock Holmes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bisexuality, Aromantic Sherlock Holmes, Post-Season/Series 01
Summary:

Sherlock and John have never needed to question the nature of their friendship, not until John falls asleep on Sherlock's shoulder one night. Sherlock doesn't brush him off. He doesn't want to brush him off. Much the opposite. He would be perfectly content if John were to remain there forever. This realization alters everything.

Awakenings (16349 words) by Guanin
Chapters: 4/?
Fandom: Sherlock (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Greg Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson (Sherlock Holmes), Mycroft Holmes
Additional Tags: Asexual Character, Asexual Sherlock Holmes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Aromanticism, Bisexuality
Summary:

Sherlock and John have never needed to question the nature of their friendship, not until John falls asleep on Sherlock's shoulder one night. Sherlock doesn't brush him off. He doesn't want to brush him off. Much the opposite. He would be perfectly content if John were to remain there forever. This realization alters everything.

Awakenings (6620 words) by Guanin
Chapters: 2/?
Fandom: Sherlock (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Greg Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson (Sherlock Holmes), Mycroft Holmes
Additional Tags: Asexual Character, Asexual Sherlock Holmes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Aromanticism, Bisexuality
Summary:

Sherlock and John have never needed to question the nature of their friendship, not until John falls asleep on Sherlock's shoulder one night. Sherlock doesn't brush him off. He doesn't want to brush him off. Much the opposite. He would be perfectly content if John were to remain there forever. This realization alters everything.

I've started editing my Sherlock fic. Finally! Not that I started it that long ago, but it feels like it's been forever for some reason. I'm still working on the first draft, but I've got some of the final scenes, so I'm not worried about needing to change something early on in the story later. So I should be able to post the first chapter soon.